Monthly Archives: December 2008

Word of the Day: Jew-ish

Okay, tonight is the last night of Hanukkah and so far our family has only lit the candles on the menorah maybe three nights .  menorah1Granted, we are only half-Jewish (although I really hate that term) so I guess if we light the candles tonight, we will be right on target.


Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Word of the Day: Snow Job

Every December, my daughter complains that our Christmas tree is scrawny. But frankly, I just can’t bring myself to spend $50 or $60 for a tree that will be up in our living room shedding needles for a week or two and go into the trash right after New Year’s.

So, I go to a place where there are trees for $19.89. Sure, they aren’t the bushiest trees, but usually I can find one that is tall enough to scrape the paint on the ceiling and once it’s decorated and the lights are lit, even a Charlie Brown tree looks great.charlie-brown-tree-m3

Blame it on the economy, but this year,  I when dragged my sons to the Christmas tree lot to pick out our $19.89 special, the lot was empty. They were sold out of cheap0 trees. The tree guy showed me a $22 tree that came up to my chest and was  squashed on one side. “This is the least expensive tree we have,” he said.  We rejected it.

“But we always get a $19.89 tree, ” I grumbled. “It’s our holiday tradition. We always come late and there are always plenty of trees here.” It  started to snow as we began to trudge back to the car. “I can’t believe that this is the first year that we won’t have a $19.89 tree,” I whined said as we started to leave. It’s possible that I laid it on a little thick.

Maybe it was because I had Lewis and Nathan with me, or maybe it’s  because I am a pushy broad, or maybe – just maybe- it was the Christmas spirit,  but the tree guy took me aside.

“Pick out a $50 tree,” he said. “‘l’ll give it to you for $19.89.”

So…this year we have the nicest, bushiest tree that we have ever had. snow-0065In fact, it’s so perfect that it looks fake.

Still, I miss the Charlie Brown tree.

It has been snowing all day!

It has been snowing all day!

Leave a comment

Filed under Blogroll, Humor, Families, kids, Parenting Humor, Uncategorized

Word of the Day: Regift

This morning, I drove home from the periodontist where I had the stitches removed from my gums. (By the way, I do want to thank everyone for their  get-well wishes and too-generous gifts.)

Anyhow, on a busy street, lying on the side of the road, waiting for the garbage man to come and stuff it into his truck, was…..this huge stuffed Boston terrier. regift-0011As I drove by, I thought “Somebody definitely needs to wake up on Christmas morning with this dog on their front lawn.”  So, I turned around (even though my gums were still sore and I had to pee) and rescued the stuffed beast from the trash. He barely fit in my trunk.

A note to whomever tossed this slightly stained, enormous toy which is now spewing little foam pellets all over my living room like a tiny plastic blizzard. I understand why you put him in the trash. As I drove along at 45 mph, he looked appealing sitting on the curb.  In my living room – not so much.  I notice that he has a suspicious brown smear on his nose and a hole on his butt from which he emits the aforementioned pellets. But he is large.

It will be hard to hide him from my neighbors – the potential recipients of my holiday generosity-until Christmas Eve.


Filed under Uncategorized

Word of the Day: Recession

I am not talking about the economy; I am talking about my gums. Yesterday, I had gum surgery to try to prevent the gums around my back molars from shrinking further into the remote corners of my mouth.


You know that you are a grown-up when you get into your car at 8am in the morning and instead of driving to Disney World, you go, on your own volition, to the periodontist.

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Word of the Day: Sick

“I want to get sick,” Lewis said.

He stopped banging on his new drums to make this announcement. “Sick?” I asked.  “Why would you want to get sick?”

He picked up the drumsticks and resumed pounding on the snare.  “I want to get sick  ON THE DRUMS,” he explained.

For a moment, a very unpleasant picture formed in my mind and my first thought was that if Lewis did get “sick on the drums,” that I would probably be the one who would have to clean it up. drums

“YOU MEAN YOU WANT TO GET GOOD ON THE DRUMS?”  I shouted over the crashing cymbals

“YEAH….I wanna get sick. Really ill.”

Now, I wonder if perhaps I am the one who is sick – perhaps deranged –  for thinking that a drum set was a good idea.

(insert loud, incessent banging here)

Yeah, I think I might be sick. In fact I already have a headache.

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Word of the Day: Carcass

OMG! (That’s IM-speak for ‘I am in deep doo-doo’). It’s December 2nd.

I’ve been so busy worrying about the dishwasher and wrestling with the turkey carcass turkey1that Black Friday and  CyberMonday completely passed me by.

This year we are going to try to cut back on giving Christmas presents and try to capture the true meaning of the holiday season.  That means that this year,  we will be giving the gift of disappointment. Instead of the drumset that Lewis was expecting – there will be socks. Instead of the digital camera that my daughter has requested, she’ll get something more practical.  Something cheaper.  My husband (who was raised in the Jewish faith and therefore has no childhood Christmas memories to try to recreate or mitigate) suggests that our family get together and volunteer in a soup kitchen on Christmas Day. Nice idea – but I don’t think it will fly with the teens in my house. Kinda like a turkey.  Which is in the kitchen and ready to be made into soup.

Here’s the recipe:

Dump two quarts of water into your largest pot. Remove skin and any significant meat from turkey carcass and cram into pot along  with: three stalks of celery, three peeled carrots, one large onion, a handful of fresh parsley, salt, pepper and any other spices you are partial to. I like tumeric in my broth because it gives it a nice warmth and color. I also squirt in a little ketchup – it makes everything tastier.

Cover the pot, turn the heat on high and then, once it starts to boil, simmer the carcass for about four to six hours.  Take out the carcass and major bones, strain the broth and refrigerate. When it’s cold, skim off the fat at the top of the pot, reheat the broth, season to taste, add sliced carrots, bits of leftover turkey meat and egg noodles.

This is the samsoupe recipe that they serve in homeless shelters around the country.

Bon appetite.

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized