Word of the Day: Wish list

Really,  is it too much to ask?

That at the town pool, 19 year-old Swedish au pairs be required to wear armbands that identify them as such. That way I won’t feel like such a schlump when I look at their thighs and think, “I have three kids, she has three kids, why don’t we look the same?”  Maybe instead of armbands, they should be required to wear  baggy, one-piece, turtleneck bathing suits that say “NANNY” in block letters on the back.

Is it too much to ask?

That people who have family money come clean so I don’t beat myself up wondering how come I can’t afford to go on vacation to Borneo and drive a new Volvo when the part-time poet with the glassblower husband  down the street can. I’m thinking maybe lawn signs. “This mortgage-free house courtesy of Mom and Dad.”

Is it too much to ask?

That anyone who says “Oh, you are a stay at home mom? I  could never do that. I’d be so bored,” be punished for their ignorance by having to host a sleepover with six nine year-old boys (including two who have asthma, one who is lactose and gluten intolerant  and one who is “gifted”), take a two year-old, a five year-old  and a six month old grocery shopping and then spend four hours at the mall shopping for prom dresses with a fifteen year-old girl and end the day teaching a sixteen year-old boy to drive  stick shift. Your stick shift.    Boring? Hah.


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