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Word of the Day: Snow Job

Every December, my daughter complains that our Christmas tree is scrawny. But frankly, I just can’t bring myself to spend $50 or $60 for a tree that will be up in our living room shedding needles for a week or two and go into the trash right after New Year’s.

So, I go to a place where there are trees for $19.89. Sure, they aren’t the bushiest trees, but usually I can find one that is tall enough to scrape the paint on the ceiling and once it’s decorated and the lights are lit, even a Charlie Brown tree looks great.charlie-brown-tree-m3

Blame it on the economy, but this year,  I when dragged my sons to the Christmas tree lot to pick out our $19.89 special, the lot was empty. They were sold out of cheap0 trees. The tree guy showed me a $22 tree that came up to my chest and was  squashed on one side. “This is the least expensive tree we have,” he said.  We rejected it.

“But we always get a $19.89 tree, ” I grumbled. “It’s our holiday tradition. We always come late and there are always plenty of trees here.” It  started to snow as we began to trudge back to the car. “I can’t believe that this is the first year that we won’t have a $19.89 tree,” I whined said as we started to leave. It’s possible that I laid it on a little thick.

Maybe it was because I had Lewis and Nathan with me, or maybe it’s  because I am a pushy broad, or maybe – just maybe- it was the Christmas spirit,  but the tree guy took me aside.

“Pick out a $50 tree,” he said. “‘l’ll give it to you for $19.89.”

So…this year we have the nicest, bushiest tree that we have ever had. snow-0065In fact, it’s so perfect that it looks fake.

Still, I miss the Charlie Brown tree.

It has been snowing all day!

It has been snowing all day!

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Word of the Day: Regift

This morning, I drove home from the periodontist where I had the stitches removed from my gums. (By the way, I do want to thank everyone for their  get-well wishes and too-generous gifts.)

Anyhow, on a busy street, lying on the side of the road, waiting for the garbage man to come and stuff it into his truck, was…..this huge stuffed Boston terrier. regift-0011As I drove by, I thought “Somebody definitely needs to wake up on Christmas morning with this dog on their front lawn.”  So, I turned around (even though my gums were still sore and I had to pee) and rescued the stuffed beast from the trash. He barely fit in my trunk.

A note to whomever tossed this slightly stained, enormous toy which is now spewing little foam pellets all over my living room like a tiny plastic blizzard. I understand why you put him in the trash. As I drove along at 45 mph, he looked appealing sitting on the curb.  In my living room – not so much.  I notice that he has a suspicious brown smear on his nose and a hole on his butt from which he emits the aforementioned pellets. But he is large.

It will be hard to hide him from my neighbors – the potential recipients of my holiday generosity-until Christmas Eve.

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Word of the Day: Target

Okay, by now you’ve probably heard that Sarah Palin’s wardrobe has cost the RNC over $150,000 for the past two months. That’s $2,500 a day!  Granted, she looks pretty terrific, if not entirely Vice Presidential. I mean who approved that red pleather (okay, maybe it’s real leather… but it looks like plastic) jacket?

I have just one word for the Governor.

TARGET

They  have a lot of really cute dresses that would look great on her. This one’s only $39.99

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Word of the Day: Stuck

Why are these tiny ships defying gravity?

Because they were on a shelf in my son Nathan’s room. He went away to college and left the little Mayflower and the Cutty Sark on the shelf with a lollypop that had a real scorpion imbedded inside. Scorpion lollypop

The lollypop melted (it must be global warming) and formed a bond so strong that the folks at NASA might want to take note. Freed from its sucrose cell, the actual scorpion corpse (visible just off the starboard side of the Cutty Sark) remained intact.

Ordinarily, I would have just let it sit there gathering dust for another decade or so, but Lewis and Nathan were switching rooms and that meant that the shelves had to come down, the walls had to be spackled and painted, the furniture needed to be dismantled and schlepped back and forth across the hallway, the closets had to be cleaned out and all scorpions were evicted. I brought the shelf with the gravity-defying vessels out to the curb and in 10 minutes a car pulled up and a guy jumped out and put the shelves, the model ships and the scorpion into his car. Maybe he was from NASA.

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Word of the Day: Cut

I went on New England Cable News to flog my book.

Me on TV

Okay, it was a three and a half minute segment – but I worried about what to wear. I went shopping yesterday for something normal — something that didn’t have enormous buttons or a pattern that looked like it was from the wardrobe department of “Laugh-In.” There are no clothes for normal women. Who wears those little cropped coats?

Who looks good in this?

I ended up with my own plain blue shirt, and after watching the video – I can’t believe I cared at all. I should have worried about what was going to come out of my mouth.

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Word of the Day:Dough

It was a weekend of wonderful food. I am fortunate to live in a town that has zillions of places to eat and to have friends and neighbors who are fabulous cooks. Here’s what was on the menu:

Friday Night: Take out Pad Thai and Yellow curry chicken.

Saturday Morning: Pancakes with Lewis

Saturday at M&K’s House: Cippino with clams, King crab and shrimp, great bread, terrific salad. wine…rhubard crisp…more wine…

Sunday at Neighbor’s House: Braised pork chops with apples and bacon, swiss chard, roasted brussel sprouts and fingerling potatoes. Fresh mangoes and ginger ice cream for dessert. And it was a school night!

Now, not only do I owe people reciprocal dinners (and that’s a lot of culinary pressure), but a winter of eating well has me wishing that there was more than a month before the warm weather comes and I am forced me to expose my doughy thighs to the world.

So I’m taking action. in pursuit of thin thighs, I walked to my accountant’s office this morning. Tomorrow is tax day and we owe dough.

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